Slow Down, Baby!

Slow down baby
ya going to fast.
You got your hands in the air
With your Feet on the gas.
You 'bout to wreck your future,
Run from your past.
You need to slow down before you go down baby.

India Arie

Recently, my husband and I went to lunch with a newly married couple who needed advice. While we were chatting with them, I found myself telling them to “slow down.” It turned out to be one of those moments where I was actually ministering to myself, in the midst of encouraging them.

SLOW DOWN!

Honestly, there are a lot of times in marriage, or relationships in general, when your emotions will make you feel like you have to rush and make a decision. During disagreements or challenging seasons, our natural response is to make the discomfort go away by any means necessary. Whether it’s anger, hurt, frustration, or just being annoyed by your spouse, you want the moment to pass.

What I’ve learned is that the more I focus on ending the moment, oftentimes, the more likely I am to end up in the same exact situation later. The smallest things can turn into real marital problems when we don’t take the time to understand what the real issue is at hand.

For example, being at home full-time with four children stretches and challenges me in ways that I can’t begin to describe. When the girls are fussing, the house is a mess, and I’m behind on my responsibilities, I break. This combination of chaos get’s me every single time.

The attitude that comes along with my breaking point is usually unleashed on my husband, and my patience is non-existent with the girls.

The dialogue in my head is saying “this is all Keenan’s fault”…

-       He doesn’t help out at all

-       I have to do everything by myself

-       He doesn’t value the work that I put into our home

The dialogue in my heart is saying “you’re not enough”…

-       You’re a horrible homemaker

-       You’re never going to get a handle on things

-       You don't know how to parent your kids

Thinking this way is creating a narrative, about Keenan, and myself that isn’t true. Entertaining these lies about my life turns me into “Cruella Deville” according to my husband.

WHEN THESE EMOTIONS HIT I HAVE TWO OPTIONS TO CHOOSE FROM:

1.     Make everyone just as miserable as I am! Queue the yelling, blaming, and assigning projects, all while speed-cleaning the entire house.

2.     SLOW DOWN! Recognize that I’m just overwhelmed, correct the negative self-talk, and ask for help.

It seems so simple and clear, but in the moment, we all know, not so much. I encourage you to remember in the heat of the moment, to slow down and figure out what's happening before you respond.

Start asking yourself:

-      What’s really bothering me?

-      Am I pointing fingers because it’s easier to play the blame game?

-      Am I practicing patience with myself?

-      What do I really need at this moment?

- Is pride or anger getting in the way of me communicating my needs?

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1  

Be gentle with yourself.

Be gentle with your spouse.